I see what you can’t see in me
Or what you refuse to see in me
So many years have been wasted on thoughts of unworthy
I am unworthy of a lot of things
At least that’s what I tell myself
I don’t always feel that way,
But when I do.. I really do
When I’m feeling low and unappealing
You’re always there with your natural healing
The scum of the earth with a bruised ego
Forever reminding myself why I don’t matter
And there you are
Hands ready to catch me as I fall in the pit of my own negligence
I never knew what the ground tasted like because you’re always there
Now that you’re elevated
Unreachable
I can barely pick my face up
The taste of cement on the back of my tongue
The cracked teeth to remind me of my new struggle
Which is all I know now
You used to be there
I depended on you for comfort
Too afraid to rely on my own love
Bullied by the toxic traits I live with daily
Abusing the hidden bottles under my sink
Well, they were hidden when you used to check on me
Now they’re half empty
Under my bed
On my shirts
In my nails
Oozing out of my pores
You left the moment you realized you are no savior
I resemble the plague that once invaded your pure mind
I accepted once I realized I could only save myself
Stuck on the couch
It’s 3:27 in the morning
The wine stain on my shirt reminds me of the leftover wine in my glass
I take a sip
And a few more
It’s 4:30 am and I am suddenly awakened by a thump between my thighs
I try not to call you because I like to wake up alone
And you like to tell me sentimental things
But I need the company of your warm lips to take the edge off
The way your tongue massages the parts of me that are most sensitive
With a kiss she is reassured she will be cared for
My body is so light
So warm
Floating at the thought of you caressing me right now
Planting my fingers in my mouth for preparation
Visions of your face framed between my thighs
With this look of hunger in your eyes
I could no longer wait
Lightly gliding my fingers across my clit
Nipples growing
Breathing heavy
Your name slipped a few times as I got closer
Gripping onto the cushion beneath me as if I am falling
That intense feeling,
Building
And
Building
..
…
A sudden breeze from my window glazed over my body
cooling me down
Sweat sitting on top of my skin,
slowly evaporating
Just like my visions of you
And the rest of the wine in my glass
Help me escape the place I’ve created in my thoughts
Pillow talking to myself hoping it would make it serene
I dug a hole in my mind to hide you from myself
The parts of myself I have yet to control
But you always seem to find a way out
Almost as if you’re trying to be me in order to free yourself
Tired of being a prisoner of my mind
I want to forget you and you want to disappear
It sometimes make me feel wanted when you’re around
Like I once existed in your world
But I know it was just a phase
And I’m just another girl
Na, I don’t think about you anymore
The tear in my heart is no longer sore
I’ve been dreaming a lot
Making plans in this spot
Still not one thought of you
Making friends,
Smoking pot
Minding my business
And nobody even knows I knew you
I don’t expect you to understand me
I expect a deep connection
One that stimulates my brain and have me weak at the knees
I don’t want you to be attached to our relations
Leave me with the satisfaction that you don’t need me
Come back to me when you’re detached from the idea of us
Lets reach a peak and leave
Just to come back and reach it again
Until we can no longer feel
That way it won’t hurt
Not a bottle could compare to this feeling
Not a blunt in this world could compare
An addiction you’ve never experience
One without real attachments
What am I missing?
Masculinity?
Does my face not resemble the architect of a model?
Am I not extended over your shoulders enough to look down upon you?
Has my brain not reached the intellect capacity you seek so much?
Am I too reserved for your you?
Your narcissism has reached its peak
Stretching my arms out in desperation
I have yet to get your attention
I may never
I left a note for you, about you
Hopefully that’ll get your attention
I left a piece of my heart incase you have overused yours with worthless beings that’d rather see you cry
I reserved a space in my home incase they’ve had enough and drained you
I hope me giving is enough
I hope that gets your attention
They’re hesitant to be heard
Afraid of the reaction it might get
Afraid of how they’re perceived
No matter how many ways they’re expressed
They always come out with meaning,
Sometimes they’re interpreted lazily
They’re sorry when they’re hurtful
So they replace themselves with more compassionate meaning
The ones that makes you smile instantly
The one that make you pull you panties to the side,
and make up words that only make sense when you’re almost there
I love you
Lets do this
I’m sorry
But when there are no more words left to say
There is no more passion
We go silent
Eventually we disappear
You hate to see it
But the bare minimum won’t get you by
That pretty face won’t last you a lifetime
These likes you thrive off will soon die
You have have to face the real you
Then you will soon be forced to love you
But you hate to see it
She took a long drag
Enough time to reflect on her life
All she did was blink and it was the end of all
Nothing left but a pendant to store the remembrance of what was
She was afraid
But the lesson was in the journey
She was resilient
