I see what you can’t see in me
Or what you refuse to see in me
So many years have been wasted on thoughts of unworthy
I am unworthy of a lot of things
At least that’s what I tell myself
I don’t always feel that way,
But when I do.. I really do
When I’m feeling low and unappealing
You’re always there with your natural healing
The scum of the earth with a bruised ego
Forever reminding myself why I don’t matter
And there you are
Hands ready to catch me as I fall in the pit of my own negligence
I never knew what the ground tasted like because you’re always there
Now that you’re elevated
Unreachable
I can barely pick my face up
The taste of cement on the back of my tongue
The cracked teeth to remind me of my new struggle
Which is all I know now
You used to be there
I depended on you for comfort
Too afraid to rely on my own love
Bullied by the toxic traits I live with daily
Abusing the hidden bottles under my sink
Well, they were hidden when you used to check on me
Now they’re half empty
Under my bed
On my shirts
In my nails
Oozing out of my pores
You left the moment you realized you are no savior
I resemble the plague that once invaded your pure mind
I accepted once I realized I could only save myself
some days I want to crawl out of my body
Not because of discomfort
Because of too much comfort
I hate the daily routine
The mild confusion I get
Everything gets so foggy
The tiredness
The fact the I refuse to change certain habits although it benefits me
Too much comfort
I want to claw my way through my chest
That’s where I feel the most
I don’t want to feel some days
I want to claw through my mind
Remove all negative behaviors
That’s where it all start
Too much to bare
When it’s my time to open up
I have too much to share
I just want to free myself
Then come back when I’m ready
Na, I don’t think about you anymore
The tear in my heart is no longer sore
I’ve been dreaming a lot
Making plans in this spot
Still not one thought of you
Making friends,
Smoking pot
Minding my business
And nobody even knows I knew you
Peach color
Sweet as organic honey
Salivating at the thought of you
You move as if you know you’re being watched
And I enjoy the view
I enjoy you pleasing yourself
whining your hips against your fingers
My favorite actually
I love when you serve them to me
After they’ve been so deep in your sea
Onto this soft platter
one at a time
I remove the sweet gold from your fingers
in between your fingers
Savoring every drop of it
licking the remains of you off my bottom lip
That usually gets you wetter
You part your thighs
Showing me your sweet peach
Glistening like honey
I know you still think of me
It’s like your eyes sending signals through your pixels
Starring through the device in the palm of your hands
Directly to my mind
Which is why you’re there all the time
Drinking this wine make the memories I hold on to rotate so intensely
I lose it whenever I get a glimpse
I just know I’d get drunk off just one kiss
I know you still think of me
I don’t expect you to understand me
I expect a deep connection
One that stimulates my brain and have me weak at the knees
I don’t want you to be attached to our relations
Leave me with the satisfaction that you don’t need me
Come back to me when you’re detached from the idea of us
Lets reach a peak and leave
Just to come back and reach it again
Until we can no longer feel
That way it won’t hurt
Not a bottle could compare to this feeling
Not a blunt in this world could compare
An addiction you’ve never experience
One without real attachments
Afraid to heal my deep wounds
Afraid life will be too simple
Afraid of missing the pain
Afraid I won’t have an excuse to disappear
Afraid I won’t need to scream at the top of my lungs when I’m too weak
Afraid I won’t grow without trauma
Afraid I’ll never be the same
I’m afraid of change
I’m not sure why you disguise yourself
But that mask doesn’t fool me
I can smell you a mile away
Trickling through the cracks of too late
I waited for you to reveal your true self
I’m run down and quite over your play
I’m not amused
And quite frankly you’re not too good at this
What am I missing?
Masculinity?
Does my face not resemble the architect of a model?
Am I not extended over your shoulders enough to look down upon you?
Has my brain not reached the intellect capacity you seek so much?
Am I too reserved for your you?
Your narcissism has reached its peak
Stretching my arms out in desperation
I have yet to get your attention
I may never
I left a note for you, about you
Hopefully that’ll get your attention
I left a piece of my heart incase you have overused yours with worthless beings that’d rather see you cry
I reserved a space in my home incase they’ve had enough and drained you
I hope me giving is enough
I hope that gets your attention
