Afraid to heal my deep wounds
Afraid life will be too simple
Afraid of missing the pain
Afraid I won’t have an excuse to disappear
Afraid I won’t need to scream at the top of my lungs when I’m too weak
Afraid I won’t grow without trauma
Afraid I’ll never be the same
I’m afraid of change
I’m not sure why you disguise yourself
But that mask doesn’t fool me
I can smell you a mile away
Trickling through the cracks of too late
I waited for you to reveal your true self
I’m run down and quite over your play
I’m not amused
And quite frankly you’re not too good at this
What am I missing?
Masculinity?
Does my face not resemble the architect of a model?
Am I not extended over your shoulders enough to look down upon you?
Has my brain not reached the intellect capacity you seek so much?
Am I too reserved for your you?
Your narcissism has reached its peak
Stretching my arms out in desperation
I have yet to get your attention
I may never
I left a note for you, about you
Hopefully that’ll get your attention
I left a piece of my heart incase you have overused yours with worthless beings that’d rather see you cry
I reserved a space in my home incase they’ve had enough and drained you
I hope me giving is enough
I hope that gets your attention
I find it easy to heal you
Seeing that I understand the root of things
The root of your things
You brush everything and under the rug
Not knowing you always leave a trail
I always find where you went wrong
I’m always there to help clean it up
This time around you found a new stop
You directed me to it
We picked it apart
You cleaned it up
You were too surface level
Unable to reach my mind at it’s lowest
Your love was premature
I don’t know why I craved it so much
It still hurts to let you go so soon
But it’ll feel better knowing I didn’t lose much
I realized you were the one when you stayed longer
You listened to my worries,
even when repeated
I really wanted you there and you wanted to be there
You leaned into my trauma, not taking it on as your own
But to be my support blanket
You wrapped your warm arms around me
Night and day
Day and night
Some days we never saw the sun come up
You watched me stretch across that finish line
You waited for me on the other side
It was alway you
Lost in the way you stare into my eyes
I stumble over my left foot
My cheeks immediately turn red and my armpits are wet
Somehow, my panties are too
The smirk on your face was confirmation that you like to see me in distress
I reminded myself 10 times white jeans were a mistake
But, for some reason you convinced me
except, you weren’t even present
The red wine you bought was visible on my crotch
resembling a period stain
She demanded that I remove my jeans and she would replace them
What she came down with was not what she promised
As if she promised anything at all
My heart began to pound loudly
I was afraid she would hear
Hands began to feel clammy
I was hoping she wouldn’t ask for my hand
Yet, she asked for both
She directed me to her cold floor
where I slowly planted my knees on, firmly
This replacement was much better than I’d imagine
It looked a lot bigger from down here
She demanded I that I make it disappear, so I did.
That night, I left with more than a fantasy.
They’re hesitant to be heard
Afraid of the reaction it might get
Afraid of how they’re perceived
No matter how many ways they’re expressed
They always come out with meaning,
Sometimes they’re interpreted lazily
They’re sorry when they’re hurtful
So they replace themselves with more compassionate meaning
The ones that makes you smile instantly
The one that make you pull you panties to the side,
and make up words that only make sense when you’re almost there
I love you
Lets do this
I’m sorry
But when there are no more words left to say
There is no more passion
We go silent
Eventually we disappear
I am invisible to you
So I think
I fantasize about you daily
In hopes of manifesting you into my bed
Or yours
Intertwined in your soft thick thighs
You take the lead this time around
Planting kisses on every sensitive spot
Wrap your hand around my neck
That grip just makes everything that much more intense
Don’t hold back
I’m no angel
Treat me roughly
Do what comes to mind
My only safe word is more
It’s what I desire
You hate to see it
But the bare minimum won’t get you by
That pretty face won’t last you a lifetime
These likes you thrive off will soon die
You have have to face the real you
Then you will soon be forced to love you
But you hate to see it
