To the young girl with the empty notepad
Exploring the unknown
Trying to find the words to express her hurt
Her sadness
Yet, forgiveness
The darkness that forced her to leave
A place that is now so foreign
A place which awakens her with memories of drifting away slowly, forever
She never takes enough
An emptiness that you can hear from the outside of her body
Hallow and silent
Her destination surely determines her fate
Letting go is like floating on top of water
The waves crashing against my body
Opening my eyes to discover the ocean blue sky
The tightness in my muscles banish
My fingers and toes start to tingle
I am suddenly so relaxed, I’m numb
My face begins to curve
I am suddenly smiling
Goosebumps appear all over my body
So fulfilled
So unbothered
And so at peace
Trust the process
Protect it with each finger working as shields
One day this stress will become a lesson
Eventually, that lesson will be apart of your life’s journey
we often get stuck because we think we are lost, just keep moving
Falling too hard on your face
Leaving a scar only a mother could love
Don’t let it define you
Let it inspire you
Branch out, far and wide.
Spread your wings
Let your past be your motivation
Your past does not define you
We are all problematic; we are not perfect
Never will be
Accept that your path may be rough and others are not so much
Find a way to incorporate those adversities in your everyday life
Blessings are on the way, love
Trust your process
Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to myself. I’ve begun to acknowledge the words I put into the universe; it always seems to come back 10x depending on what you put out. I’ve been extremely vulnerable these past few months and it’s taken me back a bit. I’m so raw and honest about my emotions and my position in life right now that I feel as though people are walking away. It’s really sad because I care for these people so much, but the reciprocation is nonexistent. I love and care for myself as well as them so much that I am allowing these beings to be set free from me. It hurts to see them slowing disappearing, but I know it is vital that I let go. In order for me to continue flourishing, I must do what feels right for all parties. Letting go and evolving into the woman I hope to be. Love yourself endlessly so that no one else feels they have to.
Sometimes I like to and listen and observe, mainly because I like to feel people out. I will sit in a room full of people having multiple conversations amongst each other. I like to get a sense of what I’m walking into before I engage in conversation with anyone. I’m not sure why; well because I’m a bit timid. I really hate conversing with a “know it all” because quite frankly it makes you look like an asshole unless you actually have the resources to back your shit up. If not, just talk what you know and not what you’ve heard. I like to think of myself as the dumbest person in the room because I have so much space to learn and I am willing to acknowledge my ignorance. To be fair I’m not the brightest person. so when I open a dialogue like this it leaves room for discussion criticism and it creeps me out! It gives me anxiety to think I may have to respond to someone because they disagree with my opinion of “know it alls” being assholes. Let me say this, they’re only assholes if they’re not willing to listen to another person’s reasoning and completely become guarded because they think someone is being offensive. I mentioned I am a bit afraid of dialogue because I have social anxiety, don’t get me wrong I love talking with people; I love picking people’s brains. I love people! I hate confrontation! I want people to disagree with me, I just hate when I’m talking to someone and something they said is just not factual and want to argue instead of getting their facts, it grinds my damn gears. I don’t talk about anything I have no clue about, that’s ignorant. I used to feel intimidated by really smart people, but actually, I love being around them. It’s something about learning new things through conversation. Almost like you find a way to relate it to your daily life and boom! It’s engraved in my brain and I can’t wait to share this knowledge with someone else. Moral of this long ass pointless passage is; Be present in every space you occupy with an opened mind and a willingness to learn.
