Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to myself. I’ve begun to acknowledge the words I put into the universe; it always seems to come back 10x depending on what you put out. I’ve been extremely vulnerable these past few months and it’s taken me back a bit. I’m so raw and honest about my emotions and my position in life right now that I feel as though people are walking away. It’s really sad because I care for these people so much, but the reciprocation is nonexistent. I love and care for myself as well as them so much that I am allowing these beings to be set free from me. It hurts to see them slowing disappearing, but I know it is vital that I let go. In order for me to continue flourishing, I must do what feels right for all parties. Letting go and evolving into the woman I hope to be. Love yourself endlessly so that no one else feels they have to.
Sometimes I like to and listen and observe, mainly because I like to feel people out. I will sit in a room full of people having multiple conversations amongst each other. I like to get a sense of what I’m walking into before I engage in conversation with anyone. I’m not sure why; well because I’m a bit timid. I really hate conversing with a “know it all” because quite frankly it makes you look like an asshole unless you actually have the resources to back your shit up. If not, just talk what you know and not what you’ve heard. I like to think of myself as the dumbest person in the room because I have so much space to learn and I am willing to acknowledge my ignorance. To be fair I’m not the brightest person. so when I open a dialogue like this it leaves room for discussion criticism and it creeps me out! It gives me anxiety to think I may have to respond to someone because they disagree with my opinion of “know it alls” being assholes. Let me say this, they’re only assholes if they’re not willing to listen to another person’s reasoning and completely become guarded because they think someone is being offensive. I mentioned I am a bit afraid of dialogue because I have social anxiety, don’t get me wrong I love talking with people; I love picking people’s brains. I love people! I hate confrontation! I want people to disagree with me, I just hate when I’m talking to someone and something they said is just not factual and want to argue instead of getting their facts, it grinds my damn gears. I don’t talk about anything I have no clue about, that’s ignorant. I used to feel intimidated by really smart people, but actually, I love being around them. It’s something about learning new things through conversation. Almost like you find a way to relate it to your daily life and boom! It’s engraved in my brain and I can’t wait to share this knowledge with someone else. Moral of this long ass pointless passage is; Be present in every space you occupy with an opened mind and a willingness to learn.