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Loving You

Spying and time traveling to get to you,

Calling out like sounds waves, I felt your message

Hands reaching through the galaxy, stretching so widely, you brushed up against my spirit

I see you and I feel you, my love

Way before I knew who you were

Spending decades to grow with the woman you are striving to become

The woman that you are

Loving you, as I sing, I move my shoulders so elegantly

A picture of you fills the image capacity in my mind

And my face cracks a smile

And my eyes roll back

The hairs on my body are dancing to the symphony of my body

You are the epitome of a woman

So pure and perfect for me

In the palm of my hands

You fit so perfectly

Your body, redolent with a sweet smell of caramel

Salivating at the thought of you

Evolving together every day

In hopes of expanding our seeds in the future,

To teach love in its purest form

you are love, my love

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On Sundays

Things that make me happy? Basking in a clean house with lots of natural light in my sports bra and underwear. Wood floors so shiny from cleaning all morning. Erykah Badu “On and On” blasting in my stereo with incense in both hands, swirling around and dancing to the music. A huge bowl of fruit in my living room with one of my favorite books and a bowl packed ready to give reality a break from my mad brain.

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Me Time

Fifty thousand miles away from a place I live, but I can’t call home

The shades began to open letting the sunrise slip into my hotel room

Glazing over my legs,

so warm and orange

As I sit on my bed reminiscing about you,

Silky set on from the night before in hopes of hearing my door creek and I play like I’m asleep

Legs wide open

The sunrise has covered my entire body making me so warm inside

And all of a sudden so sticky

Who would have thought being alone in this city would bring me so much pleasure

Reaching into the nightstand next to the bed and with a click of a button I had the most intense orgasm not even a tape could measure

I massage my hands through my curly fro and whispered my own name,

I had to get myself together

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Become that Light

Love yourself immensely. Be the only light you look to when you’re trapped in that dark place. You may feel trapped in a world you see as evil because of the lack of love in the world or the lack of love you were previously given. Love is not the enemy here.

Give yourself that love that you are lacking. If you must know, it is vital that you put yourself first no matter what. You cant reciprocate what you don’t have my love. She/he will not be enough if you’re unsure what your limit is. Get to know that person inside and build because I’m the future it will pay off. You will be able to love the way you want. You will be able to appreciate the love you’re receiving from whomever.

sometimes we have to deal with the negative thoughts that cloud our minds, telling us things that we hate about ourselves. Our mind literally is a battle of its own and we must take time for ourselves to accept who we are in those profound moments. The moment we accept who we are in the ugliest moments in our lives, the more appreciation we have for ourselves in the future. We knew what it was like to hate ourselves because of whatever trauma we’ve endured in our past and it makes for a much better story.

Watching yourself grow and become that person you so longed to be is the greatest feeling ever. I’m not saying I love every aspect of my life, but if you knew what I’ve been through you’d agree the growth is amazing. I’m still fighting battles, but the difference is I go in a winner before the battle ends. I go in thinking I will not be defeated because I am always ready for whatever. I know there is a light at the end of every tunnel, it just takes time. Run at your own pace. You’re loving for yourself and nobody else.

Eliminate every toxic thing and being in your life. They serve no purpose at all, except the purpose to hold you back and that’s not what we want. Our purpose is to love unconditionally in all aspects of life and be happy. Don’t ever settle for “okay” get what deserve out of life. Peace and love.

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Control

Dragged across the room like a rag doll in front of my friends

I begged you to stop so many times

My so-called friends stood there and watched me get assaulted by the man I thought loved me

7 punches to the face

I counted each punch

That’s all I could do and I took every hit

I watched you cock your arm behind your head and come down on my face like a ton of bricks

I could see stars

I smelled blood before I could even taste it

Your eyes were so dark I didn’t recognize you

I could hear your teeth grinding against each other

It felt like days and I was sure I was going to die

I wanted to die

You threw my 108 pound body against the marble floor

You stomped me over and over

I could taste the sole of your boots

I could feel my bones shatter inside of me

I could no longer make a sound

I gave up trying to protect myself

I really had no choice

I could see my lifeless body in a pool of blood in the middle of my best friends living room

Not a person in sight

Left for dead

I never did get to say goodbye

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Short Rant

It’s so hard to pick up where you left off. That long streak of inspiration felt like winning the lottery because for once I thought I found what I’m good at. I’m not saying I’m terrible at this, but I came in thinking this would be nothing because at the time, this sounds like a walk in the park and this is what I’ve loved to do since I was a child. Expressing myself using words only I can understand so deeply because it comes from the heart. I’ve tried stepping out of my comfort zone to try something new, but it’s so hard and I becomes stuck for days on out. I promised myself I would continue to challenge myself and make this blog my diary if it helps. Rant over.

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Starting Over

As I watch you try and finally love yourself

You’re stuck feeding the ego of your demons

Stripping away every part of yourself that you built with sweat and blood

Every new layer revealing your weaknesses

They began to scare you

You finally see being strong isn’t so easy

Loving your enemies isn’t any easier

More layers reveal how tired you are becoming and you’re ready to give up

You’re looking for a way out

Trying to hold the pieces left of you together

Cutting your love line,

The hardest part of starting over

Slightly sweet in the most bitter time

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Summer in November

Candles for the vibe

Light glistening off your right shoulder

A moment I won’t forget,

The moment the temperature rose in my body

Body softer than a rose peddle

The room filled with our sweet aroma

So quiet I could hear the window pane freezing from the snow storm

I could hear you breathing in so deeply

Taking deeper breathes the closer we get

I knew your intentions the moment we clicked

We look in each other’s eyes as if maybe, the last

I know I’ll receive the text after you leave though

Being isolated in this small room with you is the freest I’ve felt in a while

The warmth from your mouth lifted the hair on my body

Your eyes reading my soul,

telling you I need more

Our lips meet what feels like the very first time

I don’t want to leave this room

In here feels like the summer time

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I Hope This Reaches You

Today I lifted a pen in hopes of reaching someone down on their last; tired of life. We don’t get a second chance once we are gone, but we do when we’re here. Today must be another fucked up day and it’s becoming unbearable, maybe because someone has you fucked up or maybe your job is taking all of you. I give you permission to take the rest of the day to yourself; take a mental health day and engage in some self-love, YOU Matter. Who cares about the work you have to finish, if you quit today, they’ll have someone pick up where you left off. Who cares about the person unable to handle you at your worst, let them go, they’re no good for you and you have no more space for negativity; no space for misery. Love every inch of yourself at this moment and take into account that at this moment you’re becoming one with yourself and all of a sudden you’re able to breathe effortlessly. I give you permission to say “no” when you mean it. I give you permission to say “I won’t be able to make it” without an explanation and feel good about it. Pick a day! Any day and love the shit out of yourself because we often forget about how important it is to care for ourselves. We often forget that we only get one body and we need to treat it with so much love and care. Take care of yourself.

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Shield

Let them love you

For I am not fully equipped to shield your fragile heart with my bare hands

Afraid I will squeeze the life out of you unknowingly

Feeding you words that have escaped so eloquently from my lips with the intentions of loving you but only keeping you for myself when I feel lonely

Only to use you when I feel empty,

Disguising this cold heart my hard shell protects from being loved by women who only see innocence and vulnerability

I am not what you see,

Or am I?

My heart hits the ground running when It sense that warmth you give off when you want more,

I cannot protect you from my intentions,

I am too busy running from myself,

I hope to land in that dark place that makes me feel most safe.