I see what you can’t see in me
Or what you refuse to see in me
So many years have been wasted on thoughts of unworthy
I am unworthy of a lot of things
At least that’s what I tell myself
I don’t always feel that way,
But when I do.. I really do
When I’m feeling low and unappealing
You’re always there with your natural healing
The scum of the earth with a bruised ego
Forever reminding myself why I don’t matter
And there you are
Hands ready to catch me as I fall in the pit of my own negligence
I never knew what the ground tasted like because you’re always there
Now that you’re elevated
Unreachable
I can barely pick my face up
The taste of cement on the back of my tongue
The cracked teeth to remind me of my new struggle
Which is all I know now
You used to be there
I depended on you for comfort
Too afraid to rely on my own love
Bullied by the toxic traits I live with daily
Abusing the hidden bottles under my sink
Well, they were hidden when you used to check on me
Now they’re half empty
Under my bed
On my shirts
In my nails
Oozing out of my pores
You left the moment you realized you are no savior
I resemble the plague that once invaded your pure mind
I accepted once I realized I could only save myself
some days I want to crawl out of my body
Not because of discomfort
Because of too much comfort
I hate the daily routine
The mild confusion I get
Everything gets so foggy
The tiredness
The fact the I refuse to change certain habits although it benefits me
Too much comfort
I want to claw my way through my chest
That’s where I feel the most
I don’t want to feel some days
I want to claw through my mind
Remove all negative behaviors
That’s where it all start
Too much to bare
When it’s my time to open up
I have too much to share
I just want to free myself
Then come back when I’m ready
I’ve never understood your type, ya know
So quick to make decisions about things you know nothing about
So quick to play the victim when situations are not in your favor
Never want to hold yourself accountable
Afraid of confrontation in fear of being disliked
or maybe disowned by people you love
You never think about your actions
Only after everything is already said and done
You escape from the light
Back to what feels familiar
Solidarity
You come back as if nothing happened
But it never is
Help me escape the place I’ve created in my thoughts
Pillow talking to myself hoping it would make it serene
I dug a hole in my mind to hide you from myself
The parts of myself I have yet to control
But you always seem to find a way out
Almost as if you’re trying to be me in order to free yourself
Tired of being a prisoner of my mind
I want to forget you and you want to disappear
It sometimes make me feel wanted when you’re around
Like I once existed in your world
But I know it was just a phase
And I’m just another girl
Na, I don’t think about you anymore
The tear in my heart is no longer sore
I’ve been dreaming a lot
Making plans in this spot
Still not one thought of you
Making friends,
Smoking pot
Minding my business
And nobody even knows I knew you
I don’t expect you to understand me
I expect a deep connection
One that stimulates my brain and have me weak at the knees
I don’t want you to be attached to our relations
Leave me with the satisfaction that you don’t need me
Come back to me when you’re detached from the idea of us
Lets reach a peak and leave
Just to come back and reach it again
Until we can no longer feel
That way it won’t hurt
Not a bottle could compare to this feeling
Not a blunt in this world could compare
An addiction you’ve never experience
One without real attachments
I’m not sure why you disguise yourself
But that mask doesn’t fool me
I can smell you a mile away
Trickling through the cracks of too late
I waited for you to reveal your true self
I’m run down and quite over your play
I’m not amused
And quite frankly you’re not too good at this
What am I missing?
Masculinity?
Does my face not resemble the architect of a model?
Am I not extended over your shoulders enough to look down upon you?
Has my brain not reached the intellect capacity you seek so much?
Am I too reserved for your you?
Your narcissism has reached its peak
Stretching my arms out in desperation
I have yet to get your attention
I may never
I left a note for you, about you
Hopefully that’ll get your attention
I left a piece of my heart incase you have overused yours with worthless beings that’d rather see you cry
I reserved a space in my home incase they’ve had enough and drained you
I hope me giving is enough
I hope that gets your attention
I realized you were the one when you stayed longer
You listened to my worries,
even when repeated
I really wanted you there and you wanted to be there
You leaned into my trauma, not taking it on as your own
But to be my support blanket
You wrapped your warm arms around me
Night and day
Day and night
Some days we never saw the sun come up
You watched me stretch across that finish line
You waited for me on the other side
It was alway you
