I see what you can’t see in me
Or what you refuse to see in me
So many years have been wasted on thoughts of unworthy
I am unworthy of a lot of things
At least that’s what I tell myself
I don’t always feel that way,
But when I do.. I really do
When I’m feeling low and unappealing
You’re always there with your natural healing
The scum of the earth with a bruised ego
Forever reminding myself why I don’t matter
And there you are
Hands ready to catch me as I fall in the pit of my own negligence
I never knew what the ground tasted like because you’re always there
Now that you’re elevated
Unreachable
I can barely pick my face up
The taste of cement on the back of my tongue
The cracked teeth to remind me of my new struggle
Which is all I know now
You used to be there
I depended on you for comfort
Too afraid to rely on my own love
Bullied by the toxic traits I live with daily
Abusing the hidden bottles under my sink
Well, they were hidden when you used to check on me
Now they’re half empty
Under my bed
On my shirts
In my nails
Oozing out of my pores
You left the moment you realized you are no savior
I resemble the plague that once invaded your pure mind
I accepted once I realized I could only save myself
some days I want to crawl out of my body
Not because of discomfort
Because of too much comfort
I hate the daily routine
The mild confusion I get
Everything gets so foggy
The tiredness
The fact the I refuse to change certain habits although it benefits me
Too much comfort
I want to claw my way through my chest
That’s where I feel the most
I don’t want to feel some days
I want to claw through my mind
Remove all negative behaviors
That’s where it all start
Too much to bare
When it’s my time to open up
I have too much to share
I just want to free myself
Then come back when I’m ready
Stuck on the couch
It’s 3:27 in the morning
The wine stain on my shirt reminds me of the leftover wine in my glass
I take a sip
And a few more
It’s 4:30 am and I am suddenly awakened by a thump between my thighs
I try not to call you because I like to wake up alone
And you like to tell me sentimental things
But I need the company of your warm lips to take the edge off
The way your tongue massages the parts of me that are most sensitive
With a kiss she is reassured she will be cared for
My body is so light
So warm
Floating at the thought of you caressing me right now
Planting my fingers in my mouth for preparation
Visions of your face framed between my thighs
With this look of hunger in your eyes
I could no longer wait
Lightly gliding my fingers across my clit
Nipples growing
Breathing heavy
Your name slipped a few times as I got closer
Gripping onto the cushion beneath me as if I am falling
That intense feeling,
Building
And
Building
..
…
A sudden breeze from my window glazed over my body
cooling me down
Sweat sitting on top of my skin,
slowly evaporating
Just like my visions of you
And the rest of the wine in my glass
I’ve never understood your type, ya know
So quick to make decisions about things you know nothing about
So quick to play the victim when situations are not in your favor
Never want to hold yourself accountable
Afraid of confrontation in fear of being disliked
or maybe disowned by people you love
You never think about your actions
Only after everything is already said and done
You escape from the light
Back to what feels familiar
Solidarity
You come back as if nothing happened
But it never is
Help me escape the place I’ve created in my thoughts
Pillow talking to myself hoping it would make it serene
I dug a hole in my mind to hide you from myself
The parts of myself I have yet to control
But you always seem to find a way out
Almost as if you’re trying to be me in order to free yourself
Tired of being a prisoner of my mind
I want to forget you and you want to disappear
It sometimes make me feel wanted when you’re around
Like I once existed in your world
But I know it was just a phase
And I’m just another girl
Na, I don’t think about you anymore
The tear in my heart is no longer sore
I’ve been dreaming a lot
Making plans in this spot
Still not one thought of you
Making friends,
Smoking pot
Minding my business
And nobody even knows I knew you
Peach color
Sweet as organic honey
Salivating at the thought of you
You move as if you know you’re being watched
And I enjoy the view
I enjoy you pleasing yourself
whining your hips against your fingers
My favorite actually
I love when you serve them to me
After they’ve been so deep in your sea
Onto this soft platter
one at a time
I remove the sweet gold from your fingers
in between your fingers
Savoring every drop of it
licking the remains of you off my bottom lip
That usually gets you wetter
You part your thighs
Showing me your sweet peach
Glistening like honey
I know you still think of me
It’s like your eyes sending signals through your pixels
Starring through the device in the palm of your hands
Directly to my mind
Which is why you’re there all the time
Drinking this wine make the memories I hold on to rotate so intensely
I lose it whenever I get a glimpse
I just know I’d get drunk off just one kiss
I know you still think of me
I don’t expect you to understand me
I expect a deep connection
One that stimulates my brain and have me weak at the knees
I don’t want you to be attached to our relations
Leave me with the satisfaction that you don’t need me
Come back to me when you’re detached from the idea of us
Lets reach a peak and leave
Just to come back and reach it again
Until we can no longer feel
That way it won’t hurt
Not a bottle could compare to this feeling
Not a blunt in this world could compare
An addiction you’ve never experience
One without real attachments
